What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is very common in most narcissistic and toxic relationships, it erodes the victim’s sense of self and ability to trust their own perception of the world, questioning their reality and their sanity.
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, having lived through successive toxic relationships spanning several decades, gaslighting can cause serious trauma, shame, self-blame and serious mental health issues. It has taken me 2 1/2 years of intense psychotherapy and a complete life detox to stop ‘self-gaslighting’ as the technique of manipulation was so well worn within me, that I found it impossible not to question myself constantly.
Recovering is leading me to a place of self-empowerment, strong boundaries where I feel more sure of myself and my intentions, less concerned about what others think about me and more certain that I can trust myself.
Its vital that you know you have been gaslighted, so you can get the help you need to support you in clearing this toxic imprint from your heart, mind and nervous system.
10 Signs of Gaslighting
Blatant Lies You catch them lying constantly, and they do it without hesitation. Yet, they act as if they’re unaware of it. Over time, this makes you second-guess yourself, leaving you unsure about even the most straightforward situations.
Persistent Denial You know what they said, but when you bring it up, they deny it ever happened. They challenge you to prove it, and soon you begin to wonder if your memory is flawed. As doubt creeps in, you start accepting their version of reality over your own.
Weaponizing What You Care About Gaslighters know exactly how to use your passions or loved ones against you. If you’re devoted to your work, they’ll find ways to undermine it. If you cherish your family, they’ll make you feel like you’re failing them.
Erosion of Self-Identity Over time, the constant gaslighting makes you lose touch with who you are. Your self-confidence dwindles, and you become a shadow of your former self, molded by their manipulative influence.
Talk vs. Action Gaslighters often use reassuring words, trying to convince you they have your best interests at heart. But their actions tell a different story, and they rarely follow through on their promises.
The Cycle of Lovebombing and Devaluing They’ll tear you down and then give you just enough affection or praise to pull you back in, only to break you down again. This emotional rollercoaster keeps you hooked, convincing you to see the good in them even when they’re causing harm.
Constant Confusion Their behavior leaves you in a constant state of confusion, desperately seeking clarity. This uncertainty puts them in control, as you keep turning to them for answers they’ll never truly give.
Shifting Blame Gaslighters often deflect their own behavior onto you. If they’re lying or cheating, they’ll accuse you of it, leaving you constantly defending yourself against accusations that aren’t even true.
"You're Losing It" By calling you crazy, they play on your self-doubt, making you question your own mental state. To further isolate you, they’ll tell others you’re unstable, so when you seek support, you’re less likely to be believed.
Turning You Against Others They’ll try to convince you that everyone around you is lying or conspiring against you. This not only fuels your mistrust but also increases your reliance on the gaslighter as the only one who “really” understands you.
Join Sairas online healing meditation Healing from gaslighting on Weds 23rd October 7.30-8.45pm £6 live on zoom or sign up for a replay recording.
